Friday, April 22, 2005

TV That Doesn't Suck? No Way!

The last few years have created a total dearth as far as TV viewing is concerned. I had a couple shows I watched faithfully, ER and Law & Order. Then they decided to cram Law & Order down my throat and every time I switched on the TV I found an episode playing on some channel somewhere. Not knowing the old addage too much of a good thing, they had to add new Law and Orders, and I found myself suffering from severe overkill. I just rather lost interest, although I do admit to actually liking the Criminal Intent version, but it is the main character that captures my interest. He's a bit weird, in a twisted sort of way that fascinates me.

This year I find I am watching ER less and less and with them advertising that it is the last season that Carter will be a regular, well... ho-hum. None of the remaining characters are remotely interesting. I am not watching the show just to see "hot doc" struggle with his weirdo girlfriend and her kid. That story line belongs on Lifetime TV, which I just don't watch.

So the last couple years I have resigned myself to watching The Discovery Channel and telling them they are not documenting what they are saying with real facts, but with a lot of supposed theories, still learning some interesting stuff. Of course there is the Food Network and Iron Chef cookoffs. It's sort of like watching golf, but with a lot of adrenaline and extra stress added. You have these guys cooking up a storm while some guy over in a corner speculates on exactly what the heck it is they are doing. It can be a bit fun at times but on occasion is about as entertaining as having a root canal. That left me with watching VH-1 and all those nifty trips down memory lane with insolent comments thrown in by sarcastic pundits. Please! I'm not really watching this tripe, am I? That leaves me with endless hours of relaxing moments watching HGTV over the ironic comments of my daughter who finds the ongoing episodes of Design on a Dime a genuine waste of time.

But what has happened this year? I began with Desperate Housewives which I found mildly amusing. That lasted about 8 espisodes and I was sick and tired of all the sexual crap and quickly just didn't bother to watch it at all. But LOST, oh come on! I am hopelessly addicted. How did this happen? Then mid-season they began House and I watched this show exactly one time and knew they had better not cancel it. I love this onery doctor. I really do! And then Numb3rs aired on a Friday night and once again I find myself fascinated by a new show. I'm not sure why I like the show. Maybe because it takes a different perspective on fighting crime and, honestly, I'm sick to death of the CSI shows (well I still watch the Vegas one) simply because I have felt the urge to run into the bathroom and hurl. It seems they just want to gross you out at times or present something so total sicko, because evidently this is the kind of tripe people are truly entertained by these days.

Well, that's it! Now I'm turning back into a TV junkie. There is something on TV every night but Saturday and Sunday which I don't want to miss. On Mondays? Oh... I didn't say did I? Well I watch Raymond and 2 1/2 Men, but maybe not for long, since this is Raymond's last year. I haven't found myself such a dedicated fan of TV shows since I was addicted to Homecide, Life on the Streets. Why the heck did they ever take that show off TV, anyway? So, Here's to my 3 new favorites: Lost, House and Numb3rs. Hope they're out there long enough to be more than a cult phenomenon. I hope I'm not putting a hex on them by writing this.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Then it turned green

We were stuck in the this endless cycle of suck. Winter held and continued to freeze us to death. Then all of a sudden one Sunday the sun snuck out and the climate began warming. It liked it so well that it just kept hanging around and before we knew it things began looking like spring. Everthing was tinted green. The blooming trees turned into a riot of blossoms and my heart began a lighter rhythm of beating.

I love spring. I love watching the farm fields begin turning into something. Winter wheat peeks up through the ground and acres of fields appear as perfectly manicured lawns undulating across the hills interrupted by trees which haven't bothered to get dressed yet. Everything is electrically charged with a new sense of coming back to life. The migrating birds are flying overhead and the noisy ones have started singing outside my window in the early morning light.

Now, we were in an endless cycle of sunshine and golden days. The skies were so clear that the only mark across their expanse were whitened jet trails dissappearing into long streaks of cloud puffs. The weatherman began describing our climate as dangerously arid and I wondered if the guy had ever been in an arid climate in his life.

That got fixed this week when an outrageous thunderstorm struck in the early morning, flashing blinding light through my bedroom windows and booming in a tirade against the idea that we live in an arid clime. I rolled over, stared at the time and realized I still had 30 more minutes of serious sleep time and refused to have it stolen from me. I wrapped the covers around my head then realized that in this electrical storm I was hooked up to a device that if lightening strikes the house, I definitely am going to get my sinuses cleaned out... like permanently... and my brain fried during the procedure. I began to wonder if anyone connected to a "sleep machine" had ever been struck by lightening while they were innocently snoozing safely in their beds. I quickly decided this was not a good line of thought at the time and decided I could check into it later. Of course, there's that quote by the infamous they "you have a greater chance of being struck by lightening than winning the lottery" and I realized that since I have never won the lottery, maybe I am meant to be struck by lightening.

Screw it. I'm going back to sleep. Chances are if I do get struck by lightening, I won't live to tell about it but won't my daughter have an interesting story to tell the grandkids... well when they finally get to come into existince. I can hear it now, "You know your grandma enjoyed doing things up big. Even in death, she had to go out being smitten by the awesome hand of God." Wow! Go figure. I hope they put something like that on my crematory urn.

Sizzled by lightening! Nothing left here but ashes.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Home Stretch Greased With a Little Jelly

NOTE: This post with the following posts concludes my adventure/life experience in being diagnosed with sleep apnea. The posts (if you want to read them in order) are

1. Darth Vader, Man of My Dreams
2. On Becoming Ms. Darth Vader
3. A Journey to the Dark Side
4. Of Umbilical Cords


I find I am actually tolerating The Machine and feeling like I can handle it after all. It's not like I want to be tied to this contraption every night when I go to bed, but the truth is, I can actually tell that I feel better when I do tie myself up to it.

Since I wanted to tolerate the machine more, I was happy when I stumbled over a post on the manufacturer's bulletin board regarding having a sore nose. Those who have been using this equipment for a few years are sharing how a little lubricant called K-Y jelly up the nose alleviates the discomfort. So off to the drugstore I went to buy the jelly stuff but just in case they didn't carry it I took a list of other products others recommended on the site like pure lanolin and bee's wax. I handed my list to the druggest and asked if they carried any of the items. He stated they keep the K-Y jelly and the lanolin in stock, which would I like to try. Since neither was expensive I figured I'd try a tube of both. If one didn't work, surely the other would.

As I turned from the counter with my 2 tubes of lubricant I noted that a line had now formed behind me and most were looking at me curiously with that some kind of look on their faces. I thought nothing of it and figured they were just wishing the gray haired lady would get her junk and get out the way so they could get their junk.

After supper, I decided to look over what i had bought, so I pulled out my bag from the druggist and sat down at the table to read the instuctions while I finished my tea. My daughter looked over at me and said "Is that K-Y Jelly?"

"Why yes!"

"Don't tell me," she added, "you're going to stick that up your nose, right?"

"Yeah, why? It's supposed to keep your nasal passages from getting so dried out at night."

She laughed, reached for the tube and began reading the instuctions to me. Well she tried between fits and giggles. And since mostly the user was instructed to apply "liberally" to the codom... but not too "liberally" I soon found myself joining in her laughter.

Then I explained about the strange looks of those waiting in line behind me at the drugstore. "I'll bet they were wondering just why this gray haired old woman was planning to do with K-Y Jelly."

That's OK. Sometimes one needs to make the world stop and just reconsider things, eh?

Whatever, it worked. I have finally adjusted to having tubes sticking out my head, I roll over at night completely unaware of them. I have even added a couple strips of tape to help keep my mouth shut. My daughter looked at me the other night just before I jumped into bed and nearly suffered a stroke from laughing at the comical image I now am at bedtime. Happily my eyes are closed so I don't laugh myself silly. All I'd doing is heading off to la-la land and a good nights sleep.

And that is a Great thing.