Mom has alzheimers

Mom has Alzheimer's.

No more beating of my breast while screaming at the heavens asking WHY?. There is no answer to that question; so I've stop asking it. This is not going away. My life will never be the same again and simply by accepting this I have stopped the downward spiral over the cliff. Mama has Alzheimer's. She is slowly slipping away before my eyes. I can't bring her back.

Tomorrow will be sadder than today, and the next and the next. I can't change it. I am trying to live with it. I can't understand it. I am accepting it; daily, I accept it over and over again. Now, I treasure each segment in time that holds a light in her eyes and a shared memory.

She fights to hang onto herself and is frightened to find that she is losing her battle. She makes notes and lists and tries to make sure she is not "crazy". "Crazy" is her explanation for the lost minutes that just happened and the puzzle solving process of what day it is. She knows something is wrong and can't keep straight who called, what happened yesterday, last week, what she had for lunch and if she slept well. "I wake up in a new world every day," is one of her favorite expressions. Now she adds that she wakes up in a new world when she wakes from a short nap.

The memories slip farther and farther behind. Back to a time where I hold no memories. They are her escape, her youth, her memories. She now resides in the time she was Maggie Jiggs her nickname growing up. "I didn't know my name was Mary until I started school," she says. "They called me Maggie because I was so ugly." I can't imagine my mother ever being ugly. To me she has always been beautiful; perfectly turned out; perfectly proper. Ugly, I can't bring up an image of her that matches that description.

She is now, and always will be, my beautiful, proper, perfect Mom. Afterall, she is 96 years old. She can't be expected to remember everything, can she?

A Well Nigh Perfect Day!

I hadn't planned to make it so memorable. As a matter of fact I would have preferred staying home and wasting time playing Majohng or something else as useless yet enjoyable. But I had promised. And the weather wasn't awful. The roads were clearing up. So.............

I picked Mom up for lunch and we drove by the bank to get her some folding money for her wallet so she'd have something she could spend. We headed to Wendys (her favorite place to dine, probably) for baked potatoes and chili. I had finished up my food and was cleaning up the table when I decided that what I really needed was a frosty. I told Mom, "I'm going to get a frosty. Do you want one." Now Mom had been cold during the time we had been there and she said "No. I'm already cold. I don't want something cold to eat. I already have this cold drink to drink." (aside. I had been trying to go up and get her a cup of coffee but she refused. She said she would have to throw out her soda if she got coffee and that would not be right.)I told her I would have gotten her one of the really small ones (frostys). She thought about it for half a second and said, "Well, that would be alright then. I'm drinking this cold drink. I guess I can eat that much cold ice cream." So. I went off to get in line to buy us both frostys.

Frosty. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. That in itself would make a day memorable. Even if nothing else good happened. BUT!

After we finished our frostys, still unfrozen, despite the cold treat, we decided to head across the street to K-Mart. One of Mom's favorite phrases when describing her life is "I never get to go shopping." But today, that was changing; we headed to K-Mart. Perfect. Sales. Mom picked out a pair of black slacks and a bright pink (she called it rose) sweater. About that time we ran into an old acquaintance (one from the Assembly from days gone by) Charles Zuck. We chatted a bit and then headed for the check out.

I wasn't buying anything, but when Mom got to the checkout she had forgotten our stop earlier at the bank. I reminded her that she had an envelope in her purse w/cash inside. She looked and sure enough she did. She exclaimed, "Well, when you get to be 100 you forget a few things." At which point I burst out laughing, while reminding her she wasn't a centenarian yet.

I told Mom as we were driving back to Albion, I believed she had a perfect day. "How so?" she asked.

Well..

We ate in her favorite restaurant, Wendys (I guess it's her favorite).
Shopped in her favorite store, K-Mart (actually 2nd favorite. Sears would be her favorite...but they're affiliated now, so same thing. Right?)
Did her favorite thing. Got seen by a friend and visited for a bit.

Yes perfect. And the frosty. That's just icing on the cake.